Advertising Supplement/Restaurants/Hoffman's Delicatessen

Hoffman's Delicatessen

While Mort Central and Uptown boast an almost countless selection of dining choices, Suburbia is home to one of the successful independent eateries on Mort: Hoffman's Delicatessen. The décor is strictly utilitarian with plastic tables and chairs and white tiles floors and walls. Pictures and news clippings of celebrities and Operatives are scattered on the walls. Hoffman's, however, does not lack atmosphere. Abe Hoffman and his staff fill the shop with lively chatter about sports, politics and life on Mort in general. Like The Pit, Hoffman's maintains a strict “no weapons or heavy armor” policy. Facilities are not even provided for their temporary storage.

“Why do I do it? I run a deli, not a farkakt shooting gallery! Leave that drek in your car or at home. And these armor suits, OY! You'd think they were going to Cannibal Sector One and not for a nosh. You don't need five hundred pounds of ceramic to eat my Reuben. The worst that could happen to you here is a bit of gas. And that's just because the sauerkraut is so fresh! We use only fresh ingredients here.”

• Abe Hoffman, age 67

Hoffman's claims of freshness appear to be accurate. The constant lines at the counter indicate his food is as good as he claims. His suppliers are a closely guarded secret. The Shivers and Operatives refuse to look into it for fear they might find some illegal activity that will shut down the deli.

“Who knows where he gets his stuff from? It could be Randolph Logistics. Hell, it could be Thresher making nightly deliveries via powersuit drop. I don't know and don't intend to find out. I'm not doing anything to risk my daily knish.”

• Shiver Sergeant (name withheld by request)

In the end, Hoffman keeps his nose clean and his food fresh and delicious. Hoffman's serves traditional deli fare. Comfort foods are the order of the day with a fine selection of meats and cheeses, bagels and bialies, and assorted breads, soups and sandwiches. For over forty years Hoffman has faithfully served the people of Mort, gladly joining the Racial Equality Program.

“And why not? Stormers and Shaktars? Absolutely. It warms the heart to watch the big boys eat. Such appetites! And so polite. Wraiths? A dream customer. Rare brisket, what could be easier? The Frothers can be a bit meshuge, but what can you do? You don't complain about people who buy macaroons by the gross. Ebons? A bit tightly wound but such sheyn ponems! Brain Wasters? They can be schmucks sometimes but can't we all? They behave if they want to eat. I bet even Carrien would play nice here. You can't be mad at anyone when you have a bagel and schmear with a nice piece of lox.”

• Abe Hoffman, age 67

Hoffman's Deli is located in Suburbia; Maxwell Sector; Laughann's Walk 4213. Open 5am-Midnight daily.

Advertising Supplement/Restaurants/ChünderHaüs/Special Events

ChünderHaüs is pleased to announce that Shaktar Operative K'Dgh (SCL9B.0) of Team Spartan will be visiting all of the Uptown ChünderHaüs locations during from 12/23/902-12/31/902! He will be available for autographs, photos and special activities! Bring the kids and meet a real life Sector Ranger! Watch as he powers down plate after plate of awesome ChünderHaüs food! Just don't touch his Orange Chicken, he's killed for less!

Advertising Supplement/Restaurants/Boscoe McFeeney's House of Haggis

Boscoe McFeeney's House of Haggis

Type: Frother theme restaurant

Location: Mort Central

Description: Almost universally reviled as one of the most disgusting concepts ever for a restaurant, House of Haggis (HoH) manages to be a surprisingly profitable enterprise.

Boscoe Mc Feeney was a Frother Contract Killer. He was reasonably successful on the circuit, living the dream of money, women and partying. However, the repeated nights of hard partying caught up with him. He started missing training sessions and was showing up for events and matches hung-over or still drunk/stoned out of his gourd. In no condition to fight, he was dealt a series of staggering defeats. After an ill-conceived Last Man Standing match against Mr. Consequence left him in an LAD recovery room, Boscoe realized stoned and concussed was no way to go through life. He quit the Circuit, which made his agent and Circuit officials none too happy. Even though he had become a losing fighter, people still paid top credit to watch this goof ball Frother get his ass regularly handed to him.

Having retired with a goodly sum of money from sponsorships and earlier wins socked away, Boscoe approached his clan for guidance. They asked what his aspirations were now that he was off the Circuit. He said he did not want to continue as an Operative, but wanted to open a restaurant. The clan gave its blessing, going so far as to procure a location in Mort Central for the restaurant. They hooked him up with a business advisor and left it at that. It seemed to everyone that Boscoe had gone from a drugged out Contract Killer to a respectable businessman.

Everyone was quite shocked when six months later, the doors opened to Boscoe McFeeney's House Of Haggis. The small restaurant was decorated with tartans from all the major clans (with McFeeney's clan being the largest and most predominantly displayed. Pictures and memorabilia from well-known Frother Operatives and Contract Killers adorned every spare space on the walls. Dance mixes of traditional bagpipe songs played over the sound system. Waitresses dressed in traditional (albeit extremely skimpy) Frother garb worked the tables. Most horrifying was the menu. Every entrée and appetizer contained Boscoe's favorite dish: haggis. Boiled, steamed, fried, baked, sliced for a sandwich, chopped on a salad – if there was a way to serve haggis, Boscoe explored it. The desert menu defied description. On the sign over the door and on all the menus was Boscoe's smiling face.

The problem was, the Contract Circuit still owned the rights to his image and issued a cease and desist order against the restaurant. No pun intended, the Frother community went berserk. Clans united in support of one of their own. They flooded into the restaurant to start a protest that would last for days. As the protest wore on, the protesters grew hungry. Eventually, hunger turned to desperation. Despite the cease and desist order, Boscoe instructed his staff to fire up the ovens and start feeding the protesters. The media was soon on the scene. Frothers, attention seekers by nature, wanted to show the public their support for Boscoe and that they were not afraid of the menu. What followed was televised mayhem. Frothers from rival clans were having haggis eating contests, followed by haggis hurling contests (both physical and gastric). Viewers piled into the location to be a part of the action.

The lawyers at the Circuit were fundamentally screwed. If they went ahead and shut down the restaurant for good, or attempted to wrest control from Boscoe, the Frother community would go into open revolt. Ultra-Violet and Tig had already come forward in support for their fellow Frother. Even the Video Nasty had been heard to say that he respected anyone who was intentionally disgusting and openly defied the system. The Circuit knew what it had to do.

The Circuit offered Boscoe an obscene amount of money for his restaurant. He would be allowed to stay on as a figure-head and advisor. A legend was born.

The joke is, the food at the HoH is generally repulsive. The bulk of the customers (mostly Frothers) eat there on a dare, out of loyalty, or because they're too drunk or stoned to know any better. Often it is a combination of the three.

Being a Frother-centric restaurant, HoH is usually extremely rowdy; impromptu eating contests and food fights are a fairly regular occurrence. The general rule is don't wear anything to HoH that you want to keep. Lumo has recently worked a deal with HoH to install vending machines at the restaurant. There are currently talks on franchising out the restaurant across Mort.

An entrée from HoH runs about 5-7 credits. Appetizers and desert are 1-2 credits.

Advertising Supplement/Restaurants/Taco Folders

Taco Folders

Type: Mexican fast food delivery

Location: Uptown

Description: Taco Folders is a 24 hour Mexican fast food restaurant that deals strictly in deliveries. There is a single Taco Folders location which is unable to accept dine-in or carry out orders. How can a single location, delivery-only restaurant deal with the vastness of Mort? Simple. Reality Folding. Taco Folders was created by two enterprising young Brain Wasters by the names of Moloch and Fester. Both had recently graduated from Meny and were already growing tired of BLUE BPN’s and having barely enough money to order a pizza.

One night, after beating the crap out of a pizza delivery man for not making it to their apartment in fifteen minutes, they lamented on the lack of truly “fast” delivery on Mort. As they ate their pizza, they realized it would just be easier to Reality Fold out to get the pizza themselves. However, it would cost them FLUX coming and going. Then inspiration struck. What if the food could be folded directly to them? They could almost hear the credits rolling in. People would pay big money for the convenience of having food delivered virtually instantaneously. Thus Taco Folders was born.

The question arose of how to produce the Flux necessary for this undertaking. Moloch’s father, Shadow, is an Ebon who works in Dark Lament. Anxious to have as little to do with his Waster son as possible, Shadow bought Moloch a case of Eternal Flux Gems.

The process of ordering is simple: Fax in your order along with your address and a picture of the room you want the food delivered to. Then simply authorize the payment from your account. At the restaurant, cooks prepare your meal and hand it off to the shipping department. The shipping department is a single Necanthrope named Clarity. Clarity was a SCL 2.1C Foldship navigator for over a hundred years. However repeated trips past White Earth and out towards the Black Stump have taken their toll on his mind. When asked why he would take such a menial job, Clarity’s answer is quite disturbing. “I have seen more than any mind should have to comprehend. I have beheld the face of our universe and realize how insignificant I truly am. I seek simplicity. Once I traveled the cosmos at will. Now I provide sustenance to the people of this dead planet. Is one any less amazing than the other?” With Clarity’s knowledge of Reality Folding, an address and picture is more than enough information to send orders directly to the table of the customer.

Taco Folders has been described by The Preceptor Teeth as “one of the more egregious wastes of Flux I have witnessed. This enterprise is an embarrassment to entire society of Ebb users. If I had still had the capacity to laugh or cry, I don’t know which I would do in regards to this.” No small claim coming from the most powerful Ebb user on the planet. However, this public chastisement has served to make Taco Folders extremely profitable. Profitable enough that SLA Industries and the Department of Ebb are looking to acquire the up-and-coming business. Taco Folders is also in talks with Dark Lament about an endorsement.

A meal from Taco Folders starts at about 3 credits for a single combo meal. Larger meals will cost more and may take a few extra minutes. Meals generally take 5-7 minutes from order to delivery. However, Taco Folders guarantees no meal will ever take more than 10 minutes.

Advertising Supplement/Restaurants/ChünderHaüs

ChünderHaüs

Type: Self-Service Buffet
Locations: Multiple Uptown/Suburbia
Price: CC
Description: ChünderHaüs is a mix of new and old concepts in the area of buffet-style restaurants. The restaurant features several stations in the center. Each station is dedicated to one portion of the meal (appetizers, soups, salads, entrees, desserts, beverages, etc.). Each station features a staggering number of choices. To ease traffic at each station, food is kept on a conveyor belt that circles the station. A patron simply need to find a place to stand and the food will eventually come past him/her. When they have loaded their plates, they return to their seats.
ChünderHaüs is a member of the Racial Equality Program and welcomes members of all races. To cover the tremendous amount of food consumed, prices are a bit higher at 5 credits per person. The management has a posted policy regarding additional charges for excessive amounts of food taken or staying for more than an hour. Most patrons take the charges in stride, as the quality of food is surprisingly good.
ChünderHaüs is an extremely lively place to eat, with small skirmishes for the best selections not unheard of. As such, the furnishing is molded metal and plastic and bolted to the floor. Plates and glasses are designed to not break to a sharp edge. Ebons tend to avoid ChünderHaüses due to the noise and chaos. Naturally, Frothers and Brain Wasters enjoy the atmosphere immensely with impromptu contests of digestive prowess fairly common. ChünderHaüs is especially busy on "Orientan" nights, with calls to the Shivers to break up fights over the famous Orange Chicken an alarmingly regular occurence.